five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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