He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
