I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
