My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
