Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
