Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
