I cannot find my penis.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
