I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
