I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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