census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
