ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize