I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
