doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
