Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My sheets look like a crime scene.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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