Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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