you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
