My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
