Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
