i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
