It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
