I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
