You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
