I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
