you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
