Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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