Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
