Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize