If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
