You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
