I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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