Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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