You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
