i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
