I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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