Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
