drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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