what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
