Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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