What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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