Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize