I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
