I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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