hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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