mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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