The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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