ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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