Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
