Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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