Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
