I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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