her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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