2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
