I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
