i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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