You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
