Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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