Who wears a wallet chain?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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