I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
