I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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