thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
