1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
