She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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