I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
