I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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