The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
