one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
