Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
