Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
