yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
